Beyond Introvert or Extrovert
In our post-pandemic digital world, connection is something everyone is craving. But I really do think a lot of us have lost, or maybe simply never developed, the ability to create connection with others through conversation and experience.
I know I have. And that is why I made it one of my goals for 2024 to get better at conversation, hosting, and building community. I put “Talking to Strangers” by Malcom Gladwell on my reading list and made a list of questions to ask people when the silence lasts just a little too long.
And if you are wondering…
Yes, oftentimes I do think this should be easier or this should be more natural; however, for me, that is just not the reality. For my husband, talking to people and creating connection does come naturally, and I am so thankful for that. For me, it takes a little more effort and intention. Neither way is right or wrong!
Whether you could host and make conversation in your sleep or just the thought of it gives you anxiety, this is for you.
Do the Inviting
I think we have all thought at least once in our lives that we wished we were being invited to do fill in the blank or attend fill in the blank event. The farmers market, pilates class, book club, you name it.
We wait for someone else to take the initiative to invite or plan. And for a lot of us, that means we never do a lot of those things or we do them alone because no one else ever reaches out.
Which means…
You might need to be the one to plan the party, extend the invitation, start the book club, make the group text.
Trust me, I know it can be scary. Some people will tell you no or be weird about the fact that you even asked them to hang out with you in the first place. But you will also find some great friends - friends who enjoy doing some of the same things you do!
So if you have been wanting to try out that new coffee shop, ask someone else to go with you! If you have always wanted to be in a book club, start one yourself! If you really want to go have a picnic at your favorite park, plan it yourself and extend the invitation to others!
If you aren’t being invited, try doing the inviting.
Live Daily Life Together
In order to cultivate community, you really don’t have to reinvent the wheel. One of the easiest, and in my opinion also most effective ways, to find time to connect with others throughout your week is to invite others into things you are already doing.
Think about a typical day in your life. Where are opportunities for you to invite someone else along? Your friends are probably also eating meals. They might work out too. They probably go to the grocery store, the library, the post office. They probably take their kids to the park or go on an evening walk. Could you do one of those things together?
Disclaimer: This does takes sacrifice. You might have to eat at a different time than you are used to or do a different type of workout. It won’t always be what is most convenient for you, but as the old African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
Ideas for Creating Community & Connection
Let me leave you with a few principles and practical ideas for connecting with others.
Casual Hang-Outs - This is simply an invitation to take the pressure off. Spending time with friends or family does not have to be a perfectly planned out event every time. Is that fun sometimes? Of course! But what might be even better in your season of life is pizza and paper plates at the park. Easy clean-up and no cleaning of the house required. The time can be just as quality either way.
Phone Free Nights - I stumbled across an account recently for a company that hosts device-free events. People are paying to attend these gatherings! This got me thinking about how impactful it could be to have a small scale version of this with friends. This could be a simple phone-free dinner, or you could set up a whole device-free space where your friends could choose from different activities such as reading, puzzles, instruments, drawing, etc. Imagine the creating and conversation that could happen in an environment like this!
Bring Your Own Dinner - When in doubt, have a bring your own dinner night. Everyone gets to pick something they know they can eat and will like, within their budget. No prep work, no clean-up. Just good quality time spent sharing a meal!
Game Night - I love a good game night, and I feel like game night works with acquaintances to very best friends. It breeds laughter, conversation, cooperation - while also providing you with an activity in case of lulls in conversation.
Celebrating - Giving your gathering purpose can be really helpful in building community and creating connections. So why not celebrate something? This could be more traditional celebrations like birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, etc. But it could really be anything - a new car, quitting a bad habit, starting a new business, hitting a financial goal. Celebrating these seemingly “smaller” things help you know one another better and encourage one another in every area of your lives.
Challenge: What is one thing you could do this week to prioritize connection? This could be as simple as a voice text to a friend or as involved as a weekend dinner party.
Thank you so much for reading!
Take care,
Caroline