Past, Present, Future
Nostalgia, Longing, & Anxiety
nostalgia - a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations
The Past
I couldn’t wait to get out of high school.
Yet now, when I look back, I think about high school with a fondness, and honestly a longing, for the days when life seemed a little simpler, smaller, and easier.
Was I thinking that back then?
Absolutely not.
I was thinking about tests and college applications. Anxious about whether the boy I liked was going to ask me to the dance and caught up in drama with friends. Desperately trying to fit in and yet stand out all at the same time. Typical teenage stuff.
But now, those aren’t the memories that come to mind.
It’s the days in PE class when our assignment was to make a group, pick a song, and then choreograph a dance to perform for our class.
It’s the trips to our favorite Mexican restaurant after a basketball game.
It’s the weeks I would read classic literature for homework and then get to discuss it for hours in class.
It’s the night on our senior class trip that we spent playing duck duck goose for hours in our socks - sliding all over the floor when we tried to run.
It’s the hours of Spanish class when we learned songs and played games and weren’t allowed to speak one word of English.
I could go on and on with these memories that now rise to the surface.
And I could do the same thing with my childhood, with college, with our first year of marriage.
We spend so much of our lives wishing it away, only to end up here - feeling nostalgic for the past seasons we couldn’t wait to leave.
The Future
But it isn’t just the past we long for. We do the same thing with the future.
We long for what we don’t yet have - especially in seasons of waiting.
Waiting for…
the ring
the promotion
the house
the positive pregnancy test
the move
the wedding day
the new job
On the morning Jackson proposed, I remember having a moment of tears - longing to be engaged and also feeling the frustration of having no control over the timing. Little did I know!
Before we decided where and when to move, I longed for the life we would have in a new place. Jackson had to constantly remind me to make the most of the time we still had left in Tennessee.
And sometimes we don’t just long, we worry.
Anxiety starts to creep in, whispering, What if it never happens? What if something goes wrong?
Both the longing and anxiety push our thoughts in the future. Into the unknowns and the what-ifs.
We find ourselves missing out on our life now as we plan and prep and wait and worry about our life then.
The Present
One day, you will be looking back on this moment with nostalgia. With fondness.
You will be longing to come back to this season - when things were exactly how they are now, not how you were wishing and waiting for them to be.
And believe it or not, once you get what you have been wishing and waiting for, you will find a new season to look ahead to. A new thing to long and wait for.
I think that longing is part of how God designed our minds to work. It’s hope.
But don’t let memories from the past or hopes for the future steal the joy you have in the present.
Don’t let your nostalgia make you feel sad that time is passing or regretful at how you spent it.
Don’t let the dreams you are waiting for make you feel like you are missing out on your own life - or that you’re not where you’re supposed to be.
Let both instead fuel your motivation to live presently here in this season - where you are living in answered prayers of past ones.
Be where your feet are.
It’s cliché for a reason.
The next time you feel nostalgic for the past or impatient for the future, let it remind you to be present for the present.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this newsletter, it would mean so much to me if you would share it with a friend!
Take care,
Caroline