Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Thoughts on the desire to leave & when to stay
What’s your environment?
When Jackson and I got married, we dreamed about moving to a million different places.
We still do sometimes.
I feel like dreaming is healthy - a sign of hope.
But sometimes, dreaming can keep you from being present where you are.
It’s easy to believe all our problems will disappear in a new place. That we’ll finally become the version of ourselves we’ve always wanted to be.
And I do think changing your environment can be a huge factor in changing your life. But you don’t have to move to change your environment.
You can change:
Apartments
Friend groups
Gyms
Grocery stores
Churches
Neighborhoods
Jobs
Routines
Even the furniture in your space!
There are so many ways to create a new environment where you are without moving to a completely different place.
The Seasons
Whatever season you find yourself in right now, I want to share what I would say to you if we were just grabbing a coffee as friends, chatting about your dreams for where you want to live.
First, I say all this as someone who’s been each of these people:
The one who knows they will leave but can’t yet
The one who wants to leave and can
The one who isn’t sure if they want to leave or not
The one starting over in a new place
I get you. I’ve been you!
To the person who knows they will leave but can’t yet:
Make the most of where you are in this season. I know it’s hard to feel ready for something new but stuck in something you’ve outgrown. Look for the good. Remember that you will never be in this place, at this time again. Plan for the future but stay grounded in the present. One day, you’ll look back and feel thankful you didn’t miss this.
To the person who wants to leave and can:
Go! Move, explore, say yes to new places. Traveling, seeing the world, meeting new people, and experiencing different perspectives are incredibly valuable. And like I said before, I truly believe changing your environment can change your life.
To the person who isn’t sure if they want to leave or not:
What is it that draws you to that new place? What are things you could do where you live currently that might be similar to those things? What “environments” could you change without moving zip codes? If you have an idea of who you might be in a new place, start by seeing if you can become that person in your current environment. You might be surprised!
To the person starting over in a new place:
Find your rhythms and the things you love. Maybe it’s a farmers market on a Saturday morning, a coffee shop, a church, a Friday night restaurant. Find community wherever you go - even if it is simply the people you pass on your nightly walk or the front desk person at your gym. Being known in both big and small ways is what will ultimately make your new zip code feel like a home.
But where?
The truth is, your life will probably look somewhat similar no matter where you live because it’s your life.
It will reflect the things you enjoy doing, the places you enjoy going, and the people you enjoy spending time with.
You can likely find a walking trail, a coffee shop, and a new friend most places.
The trick is identifying those things you enjoy that aren’t everywhere and figuring out which ones you value the most.
This might be living near the beach or living near your family.
But to be honest, there are few things that are truly location-specific.
I think we can be happy almost anywhere.
I think we can become the version of ourselves we hope to be almost anywhere.
The question is: where is that for you?
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this newsletter, it would mean so much to me if you would share it with a friend!
Take care,
Caroline