A Cliché
“You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
- Jim Rohn
Everyone has heard this quote. Many of us at this point just shrug it off. We know that the people we choose to surround ourselves with and spend our precious non-renewable resource of time with is important.
However, in the past year or so, this quote has begun to take on a different meaning to me. Since the rise of social media, YouTube, and other digital forms of connection, I am not so sure we are aware anymore of who the five people are that we spend the most time with.
In elementary school, I knew I probably spent the most time with my parents, my brother, and maybe my teacher or a friend in my class. In college, I knew it was likely my roommates, boyfriend, and the friend I had every class with.
But now, in the digital age, I am afraid many of us are completely oblivious to who is influencing the person we are and are becoming.
That should concern us.
Are we becoming teenagers again?
I was listening to the What We Said podcast last week, and in the last few minutes, they were discussing this quote one of them had stumbled across on Instagram.
“Adults share the internet with teenagers quite willingly, especially since 2020 and TikTok, and they don’t realize they are regressing into the type of thoughts that one grows out of. It’s the very first time adults are in the same classroom as children and not as authority figures but peers.”
Essentially, because of the internet, the generations in their 20’s and 30’s are spending time with teenagers in a capacity no generation ever has before. In the digital world, we lose our stance as authority figures or mentors and instead just become another one of their followers.
We are influenced by their dress, speech, dating habits, attitudes, and so much more.
This reality shocked me, and it is quite alarming.
Who are you letting in?
Also last week, I was reading our book club book of the month. Many nights I was reading a few pages before I fell asleep. Two nights in a row, I woke up in the morning remembering very violent and strange dreams that I was not used to having at all. I thought back over my week, was it something I watched or something we were talking about recently? I racked my brain but came up with nothing. My only conviction was that it was the book I was reading. However, that confused me. The book’s plot itself is pretty wholesome. There is nothing violent in the story.
But I knew there had to be something there, or I would not have had that feeling. I ended up looking into the author, and I found that she seemed to be interested in and a part of things that are very contrary to what I believe.
In the same way that I believe the atmosphere of a Christian’s home or the presence of the Spirit of God inside a believer can influence the people who encounter it, I think the author and her beliefs were influencing me through her book.
It is a scary thought.
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Choose Wisely
I tell you all of these experiences and the unease they have invoked from me to land here: The five people you spend the most time with might not be people you have actually ever met. The people that influence you the most are possibly doing it without your knowledge or consent.
I listen to podcasts many days on my way to work, watch YouTube videos in the afternoons, and read books before bed. This time can add up quickly. Before I know it, I am spending more time with an influencer or an author than I am with my own husband or than I am with God.
To be clear, I am not hating on podcasts or YouTube or books. I find them to be incredible tools and ways to learn, grow, and connect with likeminded people.
The danger comes when we do not choose these people wisely.
Here are a few questions to ponder when you are considering who it is wise to “spend time” with digitally:
Is this person teaching me something I want to learn? (i.e. watching a video learning to make sourdough)
Is this person living their life in a way that I aspire to live mine? (i.e. being a stay at home mom and taking care of the house)
Is this person experiencing something I want to or will experience? (i.e. traveling to a country you are planning a trip to)
The Challenge: Relationship Audit
This week, I am leaving you with a challenge: take an audit of how much time you spend with people and who those people are.
How much time do you spend with your family?
How much time do you spend with God?
How much time do you spend reading?
How much time do you spend with a mentor, counselor, or teacher?
How much time do you spend listening to podcasts or watching videos, movies, and shows?
How much time do you spend with your friends?
How much time do you spend watching a specific news source?
Once you have gathered your data, pick out who the top five people are that you are spending time with. It might surprise you.
Like I said before, time is our most precious, non-renewable resource. I see incredible value in using a little bit of it to investigate who we are spending it on. Not to bring guilt or shame but to bring awareness.
I hope this audit helps you identify who it is that has influence in your life and allows you to edit that list to reflect the person you want to be and are becoming.
Thank you so much for reading! Please respond to this email and let me know how your audit went! I hope it was helpful.
I will talk to you next Monday!
Take care,
Caroline